Feminism

Asking For Consent Can Be Hot AF

Consent

There are a lot of dangerous myths surrounding sex. One of the biggest ones is that seeking clear consent “kills the mood”. It’s one most of us have heard our whole lives, and can have a huge affect on how we view healthy relationships.

In the absence of clear consent, we rely on guesses and assumptions when it comes to our partner’s current sexual desires. This is problematic on a number of levels. At best it indicates that there is a greater communication issue that should be resolved. At worst, it leads to sexual assault.

Getting your partner’s consent doesn’t have to be a mood killer. In fact, it can be hot as fuck, for both partners. There are six pretty simple phrases that can help inspire hotter dirty talk AND clearly communicate wants, needs, and limits:

  1. Do you want me to…
  2. Do you like it when I…
  3. Do you like this/how does this feel/is this ok?
  4. Will you…
  5. Do you want to…
  6. I love it when you…

Just add whatever sexy name you call each other in bed and use your favourite dirty terms for body parts and voila! It’s like mad libs, but for fucking. And consent.

This needs to be obtained for each new sex act. Again, just use your sex mad libs like you did the first time. Or find other ways to ask your partner similar questions. One of the hottest ways I’ve ever been asked for consent was my partner hovering their hand any given area, watching my reaction, and saying, “yeah?” very softly. They were seeking an affirmative response, and would playfully ask for specifics. “Oh? You want me to…?” It was sexy as hell, and made foreplay a lot of fun for both of us.

In some cases, getting consent might not actually be super sexy in the moment. Some sex acts may require a conversation before your partner is comfortable performing them, and that’s ok. I promise that having a potentially unsexy conversation about boundaries and acceptable sex acts now will make sex later that much hotter.

The myth that obtaining consent is boring needs to die a very quick death. This myth states that being sure your partner is comfortable means everything needs to stop, and there be a detailed, technical conversation about sex in decidedly unsexy terms. In reality, getting consent from an active and willing partner is actually quite simple, and can be incredibly sexy. It’s only hard in cases where a conversation ought to be had in the first place. If one party is reluctant, hesitant, too drunk, or otherwise incapable of consenting, you shouldn’t have sex. Obtaining consent won’t ruin the moment; not obtaining consent could ruin someone’s life.

Ashley is a freelance writer and office manager, who enjoys reading, crafting, and archery. She collects comic books, stationary, and empty journals that for some reason never see a pen. Ashley spends her free time enjoying bright lights in the dark, counting down the months until new Doctor Who, and watching Daily Show alumni on late night TV

1 Comment
  • How Asking For Consent Can Be Hot AF | Ashley Perna

    […] Getting your partner’s consent doesn’t have to be a mood killer. In fact, it can be hot as fuck, for both partners. There are six pretty simple phrases that can help inspire hotter dirty talk AND clearly communicate wants, needs, and limits…Just add whatever sexy name you call each other in bed and use your favourite dirty terms for body parts and voila! It’s like mad libs, but for fucking. And consent. Read more. […]

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